Midnight Jolt Run

Despite what your adolescent fears have taught you, during trips into Tolkien’s massive tomes or attack rolls versus regenerating goliaths using killer Icosahedrons, I am here to tell you that Trolls are glorious things.  Now, of course, in this day and age, when one things of Trolls, one often thinks of the bittersweet act of Trolling so commonplace on the Internet.  You may, for a moment, think that I am offering words of comfort to those embittered by hidden bridge-dwellers or evil sprites, but I’m afraid my words are indeed for those most hated and enjoyed folk who go out of their way to bring chaos to the online world.  In fact, I am not only saying Trolls are much more wonderful than most people believe they are, but I would dare say, a modern day necessity in a world that takes itself far too seriously.

And no.  This isn’t an attempt at Trolling.

Here’s why. Read the rest of this entry »

Despite efforts to eat right and stay healthy, I think there are a lot of us who break down and crave something unwholesome and terribly salty/fatty/spicy, so I make no excuses when I tell you I frequent the McDonalds drive thru. It’s one of the only places I’ve found that is consistently not terrible at 4 in the morning out of all the places that are actually OPEN at 4 in the morning. Honestly, how hard is it to fuck up a Teen Burger and Onion Rings? Apparently, it’s very easy when you’re using three day old grease from the fryer and not paying attention to the timer because your iPod just hit a long stretch of Lincoln Park.

One morning, a few months ago, I rolled up to the drive-thru at the McDonalds closest to my home (which, by the way, takes some effort to calculate as there are no less than four within a five minute drive of me) hoping to take the edge off of my post-work hunger pangs. I roll down my window, lean on in and wait for the scratchy little speaker to start asking for my commands like an obedient Genie.

“Welcome to McDonalds!!! Can I take your order?” Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a busy spring.  Sometimes I wonder where my time goes to before being shelved in the back of my mind, but I know full well of life’s appetites for the stuff.  Time is delicious.  Time is vitamins for Life.  Life eats that shit up like it’s going out of style.

Simeon is growing into a proper, wonderful, opinionated little person.  He’s just hit the 17 month mark, and I find myself laughing, frustrated, and scared to bits more and more as he learns new ways to attack and consume life right back.  It’s no wonder Life needs to keep eating time.  His latest little quirk is his ability to frown…usually when he means it, but it’s hilarious when he does so as he flips back and forth between an Awesome-Face smile and this serious “I don’t think so, Tim” grimace.  He’s also getting more frustrated that we can’t understand his baby-talk.  I think he’s eventually going to give up on us and learn English.   I can’t wait.

Senie is enjoying work, having  great time while driving, and is as wonderful as ever, though I do get concerned that www.thatguywiththeglasses.com will start setting up a server mirror in our house to alleviate the bandwidth she uses from their site.

As for me, I just got back from my first multi-country motorcycle ride. Read the rest of this entry »

For the last couple months it’s been hard for me to get some time to myself to go out and experience the occasional joy of the cinema.  Not that I usually mind, as Hollywood has been notoriously ass-like of late, but they do occasionally poop out something worth my time to watch.  This week, in comparison of ones earlier in the month and year, was absolutely luxurious.  I had time to do a few road trips on my new bike around the outskirts of Calgary, indulge in some Jolt and Jack, and generally do nothing important for a day or two.  And then, I went to see How To Train Your Dragon…and I became a kid again.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Great Tesla’s Ghost!!” my father screamed as he nearly ripped the front door off it’s hinges.

His coat was on fire and it was raining, but like so many other experiments, he got the proportions mixed up and ended up making everything worse.  The rain wasn’t nearly heavy enough to put the fire out.

In fact, the light spring drizzle had only coaxed the adventurous next-door tenants onto their balconies to enjoy the sudden cool precipitation instead of the stifling heat within their concrete matchboxes.  As he ran screaming out onto the yard, flailing about, smoking, sparking and steaming in the rain, the building’s entire compliment of available eyes were upon him.   Only after realizing one layer of his clothing would have to be sacrificed to save the other layers of his skin did my father finally pull his arms out from his coat, slide it off, and let it smoulder down to a wet, gray lump that smelt of burnt cow and petroleum. Read the rest of this entry »

By now the fanboys are rushing to the battlements, trying to prepare for the uncouth masses waking up from the last three months…no…the last several years of blind lust for Apple Computers Inc.  I can only imagine how it must feel to know you’re on the other side of the coin when the Second Coming turns out to be a sham, the Lotto ticket is a fake, or the Pregnancy Test and the Colon Cancer results got mixed up at the clinic.  But that’s exactly what happened here.  The company that “Revolutionized” the industry just fucked up their chance to continue to suck unquestioned and untold amounts from the collective credit-card teats of the Starbucks crowd.  Hallelujah.  At least…I hope they have.

Now, this post has a higher purpose than just Apple bashing, so let me get it out of the way that I admire what OSX does for portable devices, and think it’s an excellent match on the iBook and Powerbooks.  Even the iPhone is the best at what it does, and I cannot argue the iPod itself is single-handedly responsible for saving Apple’s ass from the late 90′s.  However, after listening to the last three months of meaningless, useless jabber from the professional computer industry about the iPad, and for a moment actually thinking that MAYBE Apple would create a product I’d be interested in, I feel fully justified in bringing the fire.  You fucked up, Apple. Your one chance to woo me outside of me getting bored enough to Hackintosh a HP Mini and you lost it. Read the rest of this entry »

>part 1 >part 2 >part 3

They spent the evening in a mad dash of furious lovemaking. Making up for lost time, maybe.  Or maybe they both just realized that tomorrow they would have to return to their regular routine.  It didn’t matter.  Tomorrow didn’t matter.

Wet, soggy, but no longer shivering, they managed to make their way up into the bedroom.  Maybe it was the magic in the air, but Tom no longer felt like an old man, and Maria definitely didn’t feel like a little kid, and neither thought it completely strange when, as Maria was trying to coax him into another round with little kisses all over his back, that the sun came up before either of them felt tired.

They both used some minutes on Tom’s pay-as-you-go phone to call in sick, then continued to fuck like hyperactive teenagers until there was a real and serious danger of the bedroom floor cracking like the bathroom’s. Read the rest of this entry »

I used to think that changing the world was something anyone could do with the right idea, and honestly, I still believe it is.  The right idea at the right time with the right strengths and skills can be an amazing combination.  I believed, naively as many young people believe, that you could help change the world if you got into politics and made fair and just laws, or marched in defiant protest against the demons of the world.  There was even a time where I had reasoned out and decided at which point I could answer a call to arms to defend myself, my family and my country, and it pleased me to know that anyone can exercise their free will and become an extraordinary example of humanity, faith and inspiration to countless others.

But, if I knew then what I know now, I would probably want to grow up to be a terrorist.

Read the rest of this entry »

>part 1
>part 2

Scraping together what he could afford and borrowing what he couldn’t, Thomas bought a warehouse in the middle of what was laughingly called the rough-side of the tracks area of the city.  There were no tracks here.  Hell, most of the roads should have been condemned.  But there was plenty of poverty.  Plenty of crime.  Plenty of angry.  Plenty of tears.

He was working three days a week.  Just enough to pay the bills, eat, drive and have an active pay-as-you-go cell phone.  The rest of his cash went into his project.

Week one was painting.  Repairing.  Reconnecting ancient circuits in the walls to make it all work.  The building he bought never had been up to code, but it had been wired with thick, heavy cables that had survived decades of decay.   Where floors would rot, at least he could be certain of heavy wire underneith.   He knocked down walls, laid tarps and did emergency surgery on a top floor that was one good thunderstorm away from falling down anyway.  All the runes in the world would account for nothing if what they were burnt on fell apart.  And he needed space.  Lots of space.

Read the rest of this entry »

>part 1

** 5 Weeks Later **

The pulse lit up the old junk yard like a meteor flashing across the sky.  The four students looked to Thomas, who knelt next to the protective circle he had arranged from bits of scrap metal around the area.  “We’re good.”

“How can you be sure?” Josh asked with his arms crossed.

“The circuit is still intact,” Thomas said with a shrug, standing up from the circle.  He carefully broke the chain of metal with his foot, and a green spark fluttered to the ground as the protective shield was dropped.

Read the rest of this entry »