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Archive for the ‘Colapost’ Category

Parts Unknown

Posted by Fiss on June 8, 2018


I took a walk through this beautiful world
Felt the cool rain on my shoulders
I took a walk through this beautiful world
I felt the rain getting colder

It became a ritual for me. Every weekend I would head to the liquor store, obtain a bottle of Jack Daniels, and set my torrent program to seek out the bytes needed to assemble the latest episode of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown.

I would drink deeply and with abandon as I traveled to a new place to experience the peoples, the cultures, the food and the art of that particular location. Sometimes it would be in an exotic endangered green pocket of a rain forest, or the war-torn streets of civilization’s raggedy edge. Maybe the heights of Russian hospitality, or the street food of Hong-Kong or the urban gardens of Chicago. I would wake up hung over and sad that my little ritual was over, but rarely did I forget the journey, even if I wondered once in a while where my pants were.  I cried a few times, cheered often, and found myself daydreaming endlessly of putting knobby tyres on my motorcycle, cashing out of the rat-race, and finding and endless trail of little pit-stops as I zipped to and fro across the world.

Anthony Bourdain took thousands of us with him as he travelled, as he learned, as he became family and friends with a host of peoples most of us could only remember as Wikipedia articles or headlines in the news. I’d like to think we were light luggage, as evident with the obvious joy and (sometimes gallows) humour he shared with us. He was a storyteller of the highest calibre, fuelled by curiosity in what seemed a perfect combination.

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Posted under Colapost

Fiss Chow Alpha – Day 1

Posted by Fiss on June 10, 2014

work.6847455.1.sticker,375x360.contents-unprocessed-soylent-green-sticker-v1One of the hardest face-slaps I received in the year of 2013 was realizing just how far I had let my health deteriorate from nearly half a decade of graveyard shifts.  This and the exponentially hard eating and exercise habits gleaned from such a lifestyle that had been drilled into my soul like a strange reverse boot-camp.

Before I had spawned a youngling I spent eight or so months on a low-carb, low-cal, low-everything diet and had actually succeeded in trimming down, improving my health and feeling better about my ghostly meat-skeleton arrangement.  It didn’t last, as I said I did gain back a lot of weight, but it took more than five years, a stressful handful of management changes, making a baby and continuing to pretend to be a responsible adult to make it finally happen.  Even so, the ease of weight loss I experienced gave me a perpetually false sense of security; that I could re-drop the weight and feel better nearly whenever I wanted if I just put my mind to it.

Yeah.  Right.  I seem to recall writing only one thing was ever easy, and it sure ain’t living.

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Posted under Colapost, Manifestoes

Piss-Warm 2012

Posted by Fiss on January 4, 2012

I have felt sadness before.  Loathing and anger are no strangers to my emotional pallet, and I can tell you of bitter swallows of both heartbreak and unrequited desire.  Ahh yes, yet they were always the kind of drink that scalded the throat, lightened the wallet and will…and ultimately taught me a lesson, desired or not.  But this…this is a watered down pint of spirits.  This strange, weak emotive mead is brewed not of the deepest sorrow, nor the sharp tang of regret.  It is stale, and it is hateful and I know it will not allow me to drink deeply of it so I may lose it in a hangover the next day.  I drink of piss-warm egotism, and yet I can’t bring myself to walk over to the toilet and deposit the liquid where it rightfully belongs.

Maybe it is the occupying of my thoughts that makes this so unique.  I feel sad, but not so sad as to rise up and resolve against all those sad things in the world.  I feel angry, but only as much as a frustrated houseplant must feel when someone nudges its vase.  I wallow and groan, but if I were to try to share my defeat with the many caring and lovely people in my vicinity, I am instantly rendered ashamed and would dare not continue past a noncommittal huff.  I almost believe it conquerable by a little will, a little smile and a pinch of the better sugars of our nature.  Yet the tears come, they sting, and they tell me I must continue feeling like this a little while longer, though they barely threaten to escape the lacrimal gland.

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Posted under Colapost, Manifestoes

Old Goats

Posted by Fiss on June 15, 2011

My earliest memories are a jumble of three images.  One was me, crying in my crib, angry at an imposed curfew but otherwise, just darkness, and a semi-out of body experience where I imagine seeing myself, howling into the night, raging against sleep, and eventually…succumbing.

The second earliest memory is of a car crash.  Truck crash, specifically.  I remember in great detail and environmental awareness of the moments beginning with me looking out a window in the Ford pickup being driven by my mother down the highway, and then crawling around on the upside-down-overturned truck cabin roof, avoiding the pebble-like broken safety glass that was everywhere, and crawling out onto the highway to the waiting arms of my mother who had, until that moment, assumed I had been crushed under the truck or thrown free of the wreck into a fence somewhere.

The third is much more green.  Running back and forth around the back yard of my grandparent’s lawn in Fort St. John at the age of…well, I was at the oldest four years olf.  I remember the feeling of the sloped lawn under my feet as I ran from the house to the small drainage ditch that broke the lawn up into a hill and an island when it rained.  I remember the smell of peas and ruhbarb and the taste of fresh carrots straight from the earth and the plesant cold sting of icey cold water right from the garden hose.  I remember countless times over countless years of that same backyard, and the layout of the home attached to it.  My Grandparents home.  With a simple one-story design, with a caveronous, adventure-sparking cellar underneith known only as the “Mole Hole” in which treasures like pickled carrots and mushroom soup lay dormant and pensive upon a noble and brave soul’s journey down the home-made rickety steps.

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Posted under Colapost

The Embers Never Fade

Posted by Fiss on July 18, 2010

It’s been a busy spring.  Sometimes I wonder where my time goes to before being shelved in the back of my mind, but I know full well of life’s appetites for the stuff.  Time is delicious.  Time is vitamins for Life.  Life eats that shit up like it’s going out of style.

Simeon is growing into a proper, wonderful, opinionated little person.  He’s just hit the 17 month mark, and I find myself laughing, frustrated, and scared to bits more and more as he learns new ways to attack and consume life right back.  It’s no wonder Life needs to keep eating time.  His latest little quirk is his ability to frown…usually when he means it, but it’s hilarious when he does so as he flips back and forth between an Awesome-Face smile and this serious “I don’t think so, Tim” grimace.  He’s also getting more frustrated that we can’t understand his baby-talk.  I think he’s eventually going to give up on us and learn English.   I can’t wait.

Senie is enjoying work, having  great time while driving, and is as wonderful as ever, though I do get concerned that www.thatguywiththeglasses.com will start setting up a server mirror in our house to alleviate the bandwidth she uses from their site.

As for me, I just got back from my first multi-country motorcycle ride. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted under Colapost

Epic Bromance

Posted by Fiss on April 1, 2010

For the last couple months it’s been hard for me to get some time to myself to go out and experience the occasional joy of the cinema.  Not that I usually mind, as Hollywood has been notoriously ass-like of late, but they do occasionally poop out something worth my time to watch.  This week, in comparison of ones earlier in the month and year, was absolutely luxurious.  I had time to do a few road trips on my new bike around the outskirts of Calgary, indulge in some Jolt and Jack, and generally do nothing important for a day or two.  And then, I went to see How To Train Your Dragon…and I became a kid again.

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Posted under Colapost

A List of Personal Memes: Part 1

Posted by Fiss on November 2, 2009


There are days in which the endless insanity rolling through my mind spills out onto the sidewalk and people around me are suckered into asking me:  Chris…what the fuck?  Well, to help explain some of that fuck, allow me to introduce:

A List of Personal Memes: Part 1

“Marple” – Definition:  The colour of the sky in the old 1970’s Spiderman Cartoon.  Reasoning:  The animation director, Ralph Bakshi, invented this colour after injecting liquid LSD under both his eyelids, snorting the ground up ivory of a woolly mammoth’s tusk, and forcibly swallowing seven litres of uncooked fortune-cookie dough one terrible evening.  The resulting vomit was used in many of the background shots as paint.  When asked why he coined the colour “Marple” Ralph said that it was the sound the vomit made as it ejected itself from his mouth and landed on the tile of the restroom  in a downtown Toronto police station. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted under Colapost

Year 30

Posted by Fiss on July 25, 2009
  1. Publish.  = Unfortunately started, but not yet quite there.  I have a killer couple of stories ready, including one I’d like to start sending to some magazines and publishers around town.  Who knows…
  2. See what 200 km/h fees like. = 4:37am June 21, 204km/h.  Fucking terrifying, but undeniably amazing.
  3. Get my new coat = Found a custom leather shop that will do it, now I just need to design it…
  4. Class 6 licence. = Proud ‘rider since October 08.
  5. Read all of the Dark Tower. = Finished earlier this month.  Loved it, thought the ending was great (some people don’t for some reason) and even managed to score copies of the comics and side-stories to enjoy along the way.
  6. Put at least 500 km on my bike. = While I’m certain I meant my mountain bike, the weather has been far too nasty this year to do so.  Instead, I will lie and say I meant my new motorcycle, which I have put on almost 2000 km on.  🙂
  7. Flamell Cross tattoo = Yes, thanks to my wonderful sister, and it is PERFECT.
  8. Dull my sword. = Sadly, not much opportunity here, though I have managed to damage a few of the fittings.
  9. Sort out the last 2 years of internet downloads and trash the crap I’ve collected. = The ongoing saga continues.
  10. 10 more goals for 2010
  1. Get back to my ideal weight and keep it off all winter
  2. Build a shed and deck, or at the very least stairs and a parking pad.
  3. Read a book a month
  4. Write in this Blog every week
  5. Teach my son a new word every week once he learns to talk
  6. Road Trip to Vegas with whoever wants to come along.  Motorcycles required.
  7. Update Studio Shinnyo and remake the OWW.
  8. Publish, Publish Publish!
  9. Learn basic ASL
  10. Plot 10 more scurvy things to do in the 2011 era

Can’t wait.  🙂

Posted under Colapost

Combat Drones, Twits and www.joltwang.xxx

Posted by Fiss on July 15, 2009

I have signed up on Twitter, though I honestly don’t know why.

It’s a strange trend these days.  People text instead of e-mail, they e-mail instead of write, and they write instead of discuss.  There’s a huge inverted food-chain happening with our thoughts, dreams and ideas, where the simple, quick and relatively meaningless flotsam and jetsam streaming from your brainmeats gets first priority and top marks, while the hard work, deep thinking and heavy meanings take back seat and wait for lightning to hit or lotteries to be won.

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Posted under Colapost

Miracles and the Next Generation

Posted by Fiss on April 24, 2009

“Come…dry your eyes, for you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg…dry your eyes…”

I’ve often said that the greatest thing I’ve ever done was to mash my fingers against the keys of an old Microsoft keyboard. To write about the epic and sometimes petty worlds created by my sleep-deprived brain and wonderful, sugar-sweet friendships.

Other times, my greatest moments include saying things like ‘I Do’, or ‘Amen’. In all these things, however, it is the act of creation that ties them together.

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Posted under Colapost