Midnight Jolt Run

There are days in which the endless insanity rolling through my mind spills out onto the sidewalk and people around me are suckered into asking me:  Chris…what the fuck?  Well, to help explain some of that fuck, allow me to introduce:

A List of Personal Memes: Part 1

“Marple” – Definition:  The colour of the sky in the old 1970’s Spiderman Cartoon.  Reasoning:  The animation director, Ralph Bakshi, invented this colour after injecting liquid LSD under both his eyelids, snorting the ground up ivory of a woolly mammoth’s tusk, and forcibly swallowing seven litres of uncooked fortune-cookie dough one terrible evening.  The resulting vomit was used in many of the background shots as paint.  When asked why he coined the colour “Marple” Ralph said that it was the sound the vomit made as it ejected itself from his mouth and landed on the tile of the restroom  in a downtown Toronto police station.

“The Iron Giant” – Definition: A Slurpee or other ground-ice beverage with heavy sugar and food colouring, combined with a large percentage volume of hard liquor, most commonly Jack Daniels or Vodka.  Reasoning:  An Iron Giant makes you talk like Vin Diesel, think that you can shoot lasers from your eyeballs, and possibly fly like Superman.  You also will suffer a 10% chance of waking up in Greenland with absolutely no recollection of what happened the following day.

“Hoar Chickens” – A little known-about genetic experiment headed by NASA in the 1980’s in which roosters were made to have illegal intercourse with sex-starved hippies.  The resulting offspring were known for their deadly beaks and long, vicious talons, and a brief underground sport of “Hoar Chicken Ring-fighting” was born some time between 1982 and 1989 throughout the Midwest, pitting Hoar Chickens up against other Hoar Chickens, and sometimes, up against other animals.  The author made five dollars one time when his beloved pet dog, Sue, came out from the prize match victorious.  As these were simple farming towns, the stakes were very small by today’s standards, but the pride won that day transcended all worries about money.  To this day, NASA denies all involvement in the hush-hush project, however, by analyzing the violent and often super-sonic delivery of the eggs upon birthing, they reaped the benefits of a decade worth of spaceflight advancement in less than 18 months.

“Twemmo Wordol Stwid!” – A horrible amalgamation of the Wayne’s World Movie Poster, Mario Paint on the Super Nintendo, and dramatic “meowing and orgasm” music composed in the Mario-Paint editor.  Who was the subject of such amazing characters of awesomeness?  Best leave names out of this for now…but it was not “Stwuid” related.